I was tagged (Jeez, it can only go downhill from here, LOL) to write a cringe-worthy scene about any of my book couples. Something funny, okay, but also something that will make you clap your hands over your face and cry out loud from empathy-shame (is that even a word?)!
Well… I’m never one to back down, but giving you this certainly takes me to my limits. 😀 Not writing the scene, that was actually easy and I cracked up a couple times myself, but posting it for you. Why? Because it might ruin a certain character or even the whole couple for you. 😛
I take Lisa home with me after school. We want to go down to the beach later and just grab a sandwich and something to drink. During the entire ride in my car, the conversation has been going on about her friend Clara and how everyone laughed when she apparently farted two minutes before the end of history class.
“No one ever laughs when Johnny Remino farts in gym, so why give Clara such a hard time?” Lisa mutters, not so happy about my chuckle as we walk into the kitchen. “I mean, come on. This is really stupid. Just because she’s a girl, her naturalllll…” She drags out the word and waves her arms up and down in front of her body, clearly lacking the right words to explain. In the end, she stares at me hard and growls, “You know what I mean!”
I pull the fridge open and grab a bottle of milk. “Bodily functions?” Unscrewing the lid, I take a swig.
“Yes, that. There’s no difference between male and female bodies, you know. I mean, it’s not like girls wouldn’t ever fart.” Her forehead creases neatly as she stems her fists to her slim hips, pointing out the obvious. “Guys do it all the time. And only because you think you’ve got exclusive rights, doesn’t mean we can’t do it. That’s bullshit. Because, believe it or not, we do it too. Every day. That’s how it works.”
I swallow quickly not to spit a mouthful of milk across the room and put the bottle back into the fridge. Of course, she’s right, but it’s also sweet how my girlfriend talks kinda dirty, even if she doesn’t. I lean against the counter behind me, fold my arms over my chest and pull off a lopsided grin. “What, Matthews? Are you saying you and your pretty friends actually fart?”
Normally, she knows when I’m winding her up, but today she’s just babbling away to make a point. “Not in front of you or anyone obviously, but I think people would explode at some point, if they didn’t. Men just as well as women. And we aren’t unicorns that can burp gas in the form of glittery rainbows, sorry.”
Now I have to bite down on my bottom lip really hard to keep the chuckles in check. “Damn, Liza, you just busted my bubble.”
Her face is completely straight and serious. “You think this is fun?” She takes a step forward around the kitchen island. “You think I wouldn’t do it?”
“Not right now, I think.”
“Why? Because I’m a girl?”
“No, because you’re a princess and I’m your boyfriend. I think you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, even if you wanted to.”
Narrowing her eyes, she cocks her head. “Really?”
“Mm-hmm.” I can only nod and fall in love with her sweet stubborn expression.
But already a second later, her face hardens and she nails me with a badass glare straight into my eyes. Only God knows what’s going on inside that pretty little head of hers. I lift my brows, waiting for her next point, but she keeps quiet. Then, after a beat of silence, the tiniest bubble of fart plops out of her behind.
And I break down laughing.